My Gag Reflex and Allegations of Fork-Stabbing

Watching little G at a classmate's birthday party. At a gym, and he is just standing there - studying the others. Strange child.

Later:

Ok, I know he's not a strange kid. He's as normal as everyone else in the "what is normal, anyway?!" way.

He loosened up eventually and found his play-groove.

I was left to fend for myself in the waiting area with the Other Moms.  Everyone was friendly and blessedly normal (such a loaded, but useful, word, isn't it?).  It still managed to sneak in, though - that irrational resentment towards the stay-at-homes. Call them what you will: SAHM, WAHM, whatever. I have nothing against these women or their families. It's simply the "Grass is Always Greener" reflex -- the GAG reflex...  how appropriate.  Clearly, I have some sort of yearning for "something else" other than the 24/7 home-job and 8/5 work-job combo I currently have going on.

I allow myself just a split second of whining inside my head, and now here.  Choices, choices. More about choices another time.

I did find great comfort and entertainment hearing other mom's kidstories. Seems that every 4 yr old comes home with wonderfully outlandish stories about pre-school.  Full of their center-of-the-universe, all-or-nothing perspective:  "Nooooobody played with me" and "I aaaalways have to go last".  One little girl insisted that there were never enough chairs, and the teacher made her (and only her) sit on the floor.  G's usual news includes Brianna* having "issues" with hitting, Jack calling him "crocodile", and Leah being mean.

He came home last week and reported a "good" day at school, then shared that Ethan "stabbed me with a fork".  What?!  "Yup. Mom, he just stabbed me in the leg with his fork."

So, when I'm feeling oogie and exhausted about getting to work, paying bills, giving baths - I must remember what a massive struggle little folks' days are, learning how to be in this big world. Name calling, not sharing, turn taking, fork stabbing...  

What would a not-so-good day look like?

*all names changed to protect the innocent babes

...and *scene*

It does seem strange, doing this. I'm on stage and can't see the audience out there at all.  This appeals to me in a secret doesn't-seem-like-me way. I was painfully shy as a child, then all the sudden wanted to perform in school plays. But always sort of embarassed by that desire for attention.

I've been looking at some other blogs, or trying to. I can't figure out a good way to search for other posts on Blogger via labels. Yet. I'll add that word and have faith that I'll figure it out. 

I see a gazillion blogs by moms about their families. I am so not original. The cute-kid-stuff is not original. But it always falls into the "extraordinary", doesn't it?  We are all fascinated by our children. I'm sure I will spend a great deal of this blog transcribing conversations I have with my 4 yr-old son. And I suppose I'll include my 2 yr-old now, too, who is growing up freakishly fast.

Tonight my oldest, G, asked me to "accompany" him downstairs.

My youngest, O, got his flu shot and rather than cry, he asked the nurse "Why you do that?".

It's these moments, sprinkled through my days, that are my prayers. Really, these are the tiny little spaces when my thoughts turn to a higher power. I'm lucky enough to have some of these times at my outside-work as well, but when I'm with the boys my whispered prayers of "wow" are constant and comedic.  They are how I am so sure that my god has a great sense of humor and wants me to live a life full of laughter and love.  *sigh*  ...just thinking about how sweet they look asleep in their beds right now: "wow".  

I need to remember that at 4 am when G will inevitably stumble into our bed to "cuddle"... 

Brave New World

So I'm very intrigued by all this blogging phenomena!

It's a bit overwhelming to see all that others have done on their pages - ads, links, pcitures, etc.

It's especially bittersweet for me, since I considered myself very tech saavy until recent years.

I'm stuck in this middle-sort-of generation. I was raised with computers; early ones, granted, but computers nonetheless. My 1st grade classroom had one primitive Apple with 5-inch floppy drive. I learned to write DOS programs - could make the computer draw a picture, or fill the screen with color. Oregon Trail. I use computers today with ease, for the most part. I can navigate the internet and programs with a kind of comfort and instinct. I speak the language....but the language keeps changing! And my 4 year old can ...blah blah blah

I've grown tired of writing about this, but don't want to throw the whole thing out. So I won't delete it, you lucky cyber-reader.

Of more interest to me at this moment -- and I mean THIS exact particular fleeting moment since there are about 100 thoughts-of-interest in my brain -- is the Oprah cause du jour. I just saw her PSA about distracted driving. Of course, this is important. It's dangerous. That's a given. But Oprah? Really? When is the last time she drove anywhere? Often you get the underlying message of "we're all in this together"/"let's all pitch in and help remedy this problem". Here, it just came across more like "you people out there, please don't hit my chauffeur-driven towncar while texting". Gave me a chuckle.

How Do I Do This?

I'm starting. That's all.

I don't know what else will come. There's likely thousands of abandoned blogs here, much like the "Dear Diaries" many of us started as children. And I'm likely one of hundreds who has made that comparison here.

All I know is what has been nagging at me for months:  "Write"

I won't be doing writing groups or workshops like another woman I know - taking writing trips to Europe, journaling my journey through cathedrals and cemeteries and castles with peers and a mentor.

I will be changing diapers. I will be avoiding the vacuum. and the treadmill.

I will be daydreaming in my office of a life outside that office: more time with my children, more time to play. (all selfish things, really)

I will put words out into cyberspace for as long as "Write" feels right. It does for now, and that's what I'll go with. Maybe someone will find it interesting, if I have -- crassly put --- the balls to write about the actual interesting stuff. 

My life is ordinary, day to day. It's paying attention to the "extra" in the ordinary that makes it fascinating. 

(Fascinating to me, that is. Will anyone else find it terrifically fun that my 4-yr old just made up a song to tide him over in the car until we could get to a bathroom? Title: "Pee in ma' paaaants")

Join me in this if you'd like - I'd love the company.